


retrograde

by redrobinhood



Series: Foxiyo Week 2020 [3]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Amnesia, Bittersweet Ending, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Past Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:42:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28446324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redrobinhood/pseuds/redrobinhood
Summary: After being captured and tortured by an extremist group opposing Chancellor Palpatine, Fox returns home to Riyo and his brothers to recover physically and mentally only to find that something is not the way it was before.
Relationships: Riyo Chuchi/CC-1010 | Fox
Series: Foxiyo Week 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2078808
Comments: 10
Kudos: 76





	1. agony

**Author's Note:**

> Agony: torture, trauma, heartbreak 
> 
> This was meant to be a one-shot, but one shift later and I had a multi-chaptered story idea. Will be finishing this separately from my other Foxiyo week stories!

Riyo was jolted awake by a knock at her door. Shoving the blanket covered in used tissues off of her she ran to answer it without looking to see who it was.

“He’s alive.” Thorn said before the door had stopped moving. He swooped in to catch her when her legs gave out from under her. “He’s alive, Chuchi. We found him. He’s going to recover.”

She couldn’t find it in herself to formulate a response. Instead, she sunk her grip into the grooves in Thorn’s armor and sobbed in relief.

Nearly two weeks later, Riyo was laying in the same spot as she had the night Thorn had come to her with the same blanket thrown over her body. But tonight, there were no tears of pain. There had been tears a few minutes ago, but they had been tears of happiness. Now, she had Fox cushioned in her chest, asleep.

When the door to her apartment slid open, Fox stirred in her arms. “I didn’t tell them anything.”

“We know.” Riyo cooed, bringing a hand up to stroke Fox’s head. “We know. You’re safe, Fox. I have you.” He felt unfamiliar to her touch. His regulation cut hair had been shaved by the medics, and despite the long bacta treatments the surgical scars that had saved his life were still raised and ugly. When Fox calmed under her touch, she turned to the man who had just entered the apartment. “Did they give you the report?”

“With a little intimidation, yes.” Thorn waved the datapad in the air. “Is he asleep?”

“I think so.”

“I don’t want to wake him. I have bad news.” Thorn sat down in the living room chair that sat catty corner to the couch. “His inhibitor chip was damaged.”

“His _what_?” Riyo hissed.

“Inhibitor chip, we all have them. Officially, they’re supposed to make us less aggressive. I think that’s stupid. My guess is that it blocks stressors in long term memory storage so that it’s harder for us to get PTSD. Either way, his is going crazy. The activity levels are way above resting. I have images from the scans, but I don’t think you want to see the state of his skull in them.”

Riyo’s fingers fell to the side of Fox’s face, where metal met her touch. “What did they do to his face?”

Thorn flinched. “Based on the stuff I saw in the room, I’d say they beat him with a pipe. He’s lucky to be alive.”

Riyo took in a deep breath and looked down at Fox’s face. The side pressed to her chest was unchanged, if still bruised, but around his other eye was a metal crescent that had replaced his shattered eye socket. The crescent stopped where his hairline began, turning into surgical scars. She didn’t want to know how many blows it had taken to break him like this. “And his eye?”

“Permanently blind. Too much trauma. The medics can replace it down the road with a cybernetic, think Wolffe’s eye, but it was the least of their concerns.”

Riyo bent over and pressed her lips to Fox’s forehead.

“I didn’t tell them anything.” Fox stirred under her touch.

“I know, love. We know. I am so proud of you.” She whispered reassurances until Fox stilled once more. “Why him?” She asked Thorn.

“He’s favored by the Chancellor. Seems like the beings who took him are part of this fringe group that thinks Sheev is a Separatist sympathizer. You know what I think of the man, but I think this group is crazy. He practically bleeds Coruscant red.” He paused, watching Fox breathe. “Do you want me to stay the night? In case you need help with him.”

“I would love that, Thorn. Could you help me get him into bed?”

Thorn nodded and rose. To Riyo’s surprise, Thorn slid his arms under Fox and lifted him up into a bridal carry as if he weighed no more than a child. She tried not to think of other times when Thorn would have had to carry his brothers like this. Rising from the couch, she led Thorn to her bedroom and pulled back the blankets so that he could lay Fox on her bed. Hovering over Thorn’s shoulder, she watched as he gently set Fox down on the sheets and began to remove his blacks.

“You don’t want your sheets to smell like a medical facility.” Thorn muttered as he gently stripped the fabric from Fox’s skin.

Riyo sighed. “Thank you.”

She watched as Fox’s eyes slowly blinked open then closed once more once he realized whose hands were on him. His torso had been spared lasting trauma, but when the pants of his blacks were removed she could see a patch of metal stretching up the center of his thigh. From the knee down, his leg was fully metal.

Thorn’s head tilted towards her when she swore.

Riyo raised a hand to her mouth, fighting back the repulsion. “Why?”

“Crushed every bone from the knee down.” Fox murmured. “Thought it would hurt me. Bunch of idiots. Couldn’t feel anything from L2 down.”

“What, were you keeping track of which vertebrae they broke?” Thorn scoffed.

“Yeah.” Fox admitted. “I was bored.”

Riyo bit down on the inside of her hand where Fox couldn’t see. “They broke your spine?”

“I’m a fucking cyborg now, Ri.”

She couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up. Maybe it was nerves, maybe it was genuinely funny. “Any other injuries I should be aware of?”

“No. Though they were talking about castration right before the boys broke in, so you can thank Squad Cresh for saving our love life.”

Riyo thought that she would have blushed had Thorn not cracked up at that moment. “Oh yeah, Chuchi is going to walk right into the Corrie offices and shout ‘thanks for letting me screw your commander!’ I can see it now.”

Now they were all laughing. Riyo’s mind was screaming at her that this wasn’t funny; this was horrible and frankly a little embarrassing. But it was Thorn. Fox trusted Thorn. She trusted Thorn. He would keep their secrets.

Fox was the first to stop laughing, raising a hand to rub his eyes. “I need to sleep.”

“I’ll be on the couch.” Thorn gave Fox a reassuring smile and squeezed his shoulder before turning to the door.

“Thorn.” Riyo called after him. “Thank you.”

With a nod, Thorn stepped out of her bedroom, closing the door behind him.

Riyo waited a moment for his footsteps to fade before stripping off her clothes and throwing them into the laundry bag by her dresser. When she and Fox were both in their underwear, she curled up next to him in bed.

“Hey Riyo.”

“Hey Fox.” She reached over to lightly rest her fingers on his cheek, beneath the metal crescent. “How are you feeling?”

“You don’t want to know. Riyo?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” She said without hesitation. The disfigurations on his flesh were repulsive, but it was still her Fox. She would grow past the apprehension to love each scar and mutilation just as much as she had loved his flesh when it was unmarred.

“Ri, I’m scared that I could hurt you in my sleep. If I have a nightmare-.”

“Then I’ll work on my dodging. I don’t care if I get hurt. I’ve been hurting for the past three weeks, since the day you were taken. Let me hold you, Fox.”

Fox hesitated for a moment before giving in and pressing himself against her chest. The metal on his face was cold on her breast, but she pulled him tight to her and cradled his head in her arms, whispering sweet nothings into his ear.

There were no nightmares that night.


	2. return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fox has recovered well enough to return to his duties with the Coruscant Guard

The nightmares came later.

Fox would wake with a start in a cold sweat and Riyo would be there to intertwine their fingers and pull him to her chest with loving reassurances as he shook under her touch. Her horror at the disfigurations his body had suffered now paled compared with that of his mind. When he was awake, he was her Fox. More wide-eyed and soft spoken than before, but still her Fox. When he was asleep, he was wounded and fighting to come back to reality. But there was another consciousness to him now, the one where she would find him pacing the living room in the middle of the night muttering under his breath. This was the state of him that she feared. In this state, he was utterly docile. Blank. Like a droid with its programming wiped. He knew her. Something would flicker in his gaze at the sight of her and he would allow her to touch him, to take hold of his hands and gently lead him back to bed, where he would fall into sleep and wake up as himself. But it wasn’t Fox. It was as if another man was possessing his body but couldn’t get anything to work. It sickened her.

When she woke up one morning to an empty bed, she feared that the empty Fox had made his way into the daylight. Pulling her silk robe tighter to herself, she hesitantly made her way out into the living room.

“Riyo, come here!” Fox called to her from the living room floor.

A rush of adrenaline came over her before she realized that his voice hadn’t been pained. She made her way to his side and sat down on the couch that he had tucked his feet under.

“Listen.” He commanded her as he uncurled his body back to the floor.

Riyo sat patiently as she watched him continue his sit-ups. This was not the first time that she had ever seen Fox work out, but it felt new. Each ripple of his muscles against his skin was a fresh reminder of how he had physically healed over the past three weeks. She found herself drawn to the skin of his left thigh, where the flesh gave way to metal. It had been red and swollen weeks ago, but now flesh and metal seamlessly fit together as if they had grown that way. There was only one truly new thing. “Is that your leg clicking?”

“It’s the gears in my spine.”

“Oh my stars.” She sat with her mouth open as she listened to Fox repeat the sit-up a few more times, tracking how each little movement of his back resounded from the cybernetic. “Does it hurt?”

“No.” He stopped his movement, wrapping his arms around his legs to look up at her from one clear eye. “Feels just like the old one.”

“That’s what beings say about speeders, Fox. Not spines.”

His face broke into a sly smile. “Speeder, clone, same thing.”

“You are not!” She slid off the couch to sit at his side. “Name everything you have in common with a speeder, Fox.”

“Replaceable parts, owned by another being, an object Riyo Chuchi likes to ride.”

She cuffed the back of his head, where the short growth of hair that had come back was unimpeded by scar tissue. “There is only one good point I accept from that list.”

Fox stared at her silently, taking in the details of her face as if it was the last time he would ever see her. “I love you, Riyo.”

“And I love you, Fox.” The past three weeks had pushed them nearly to the breaking point, but everything- the intensive bacta treatments, the nightmares, the empty Fox- was all worth it just to see the look in his eyes as he confirmed his love for her. “Can you stomach grains and fruit for breakfast?”

“Grains and fruit sounds exactly like what I’ll need to keep Stone and Thorn off my case.”

Stone and Thorn had spent the first two weeks of Fox’s recovery taking turns sleeping on Riyo’s couch overnight. During the day, when they had to be with the Guard and when Riyo had to be in the Senate, one of the Guard’s captains was assigned to keep an eye on Fox. At the start of the third week, Fox had been cleared to look at screens again and had been able to resume his duties from the safety of Riyo’s couch, still with a Guard captain at his side. Today was the first day that he had been cleared to get back in the uniform.

“Nothing is going to keep those two off your case, love.” Riyo laughed. “They’re worse than my mother.”

“Never be decanted last.” Fox sighed.

“Oh Goddess, you’re the youngest?”

“I’m one of the oldest in my batch.”

“You’re the youngest Guard commander?”

“I won’t be after we promote Thire.”

“Fox!”

He sighed, putting on a face of indifference, the gleam in his eyes betraying his amusement. “I’m going to shower before you start mothering me too.”

“Of course.” She rose and offered him a hand, leaning back until she was almost sitting on the couch to pull him to his feet. “You need a healthy, balanced breakfast to start your day.”

“A single deathstick it is then.”

“No.”

Fox stopped outside of the door to the Coruscant Guard offices to take a deep breath. Six weeks; one being held captive, two in the medical facility, and three recovering in Riyo apartment, though that was not what the official report said. He took in another deep breath, straightening his posture and hoping that nobody would look down to where the red plastoid gave way to a silver leg. Perhaps it was time to consider a longer kama.

When he stepped into the office foyer, everyone in the room fell silent as all eyes turned towards him. Though he was wearing his helmet, he was sure that word of his face had spread around the Guard. Without a word to his men, he crossed the room to his office, closing the door behind him. The small room felt foreign to him now. The last time he had been in here had been over six weeks ago, on the day he was captured. Taking his helmet off, he tucked it under his arm and ran his finger across the surface of his desk. The sound of his helmet unsealing masked the door opening behind him.

“We cleaned it up yesterday. Dusting, disinfectant, security updates for your computer.”

“And by ‘we’ you mean?”

“Jek and Rys.” Thire stepped into the room after Fox and closed the door behind him. “And me. I did the computers. Everything is up to standard now.”

Fox nodded slowly. “Thank you, Captain. But that’s not why you came to see me.”

There was the sound of a seal breaking as Thire removed his helmet. “You should sit.”

Fox sighed and made his way to the other side of his desk. There was no point keeping his back turned to Thire, the man had been the one who had been at his side the most often in Riyo’s apartment. He had already seen Fox’s injuries.

Thire waited for Fox to sit before falling into the chair opposite the desk and setting his helmet on the table beside Fox’s. “The Senate is preventing us from pressing charges against any of the beings who assaulted you.”

“Because I’m property.”

Thire pursed his lips. “The charges were for property damage to begin with. Um,” he found a spot over Fox’s shoulder to look at, “since the property has been restored to original condition the case is no longer valid. They paid a fine for expenditure of Republic resources.”

“How much was the fine?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“Thire.”

“Less than a deecee costs.”

“Which deecee?”

“Any of them.”

Fox nodded slowly. “Okay.”

“I’m sorry. Thorn wanted to be the one to tell you, but he’s busy with Senator Amidala.”

“It’s not your fault, kid.” Fox had heard from some of the other Guard captains that Thire had been pulling long shifts with Thorn to find him. He had a feeling that Thire’s current dedication to him now was fueled by the guilt of not finding him sooner. “I’m here now. I’m alive, and I’ve still got one eye. Not bad.”

“You should’ve seen Commander Stone and Thorn.” Thire scoffed and shook his head. “They were this close to dragging Commander Wolffe back here to prove that losing an eye isn’t a detriment.”

“And the leg wasn’t a detriment?”

“At that point, no. Not after the rest of the surgeries. I heard that your new eye socket was pricy. More than the fine covered.”

“Guess they’re going to take that out of my salary.”

Thire hesitantly returned Fox’s smile. “I heard it’ll be a fifty percent cut, sir.”

“Oh, they should at least take seventy-five.” Fox allowed himself a chuckle and was rewarded with another shy smile from Thire.

“I should get back to it. It’s good to see you back in the office, Commander.” Thire rose and collected his helmet from the desk.

Fox turned his attention back to his computer, pressing the button that allowed it to wake. His hands hovered over the input board for a moment before he called after the retreating captain. “Hey, Thire. You accessed my computer recently. Mind reminding me of the password?”

Thire froze in the doorway. “They knock it out of you, sir?”

“Evidently.”

“Eight-one-five-eight.”

Fox typed in the numbers and was rewarded with access to a myriad of unread messages. “Thank you. You’re dismissed.”

“I’ll have my comm on if you need technical advice, sir.”

For a moment, Fox thought he may have seen an unprompted smile on Thire’s face before the man let the door close behind him. “There’s hope for you yet.” He muttered to himself as he pulled up six weeks’ worth of messages.


	3. precipice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fox finds his day to day work life a struggle as he loses track of mundane things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve decided that I’m going to try something sad and wonky with the chapter length for this fic so please bear this in mind when you see future chapters

Eight-one-five-eight.

Eight-one-five-eight.

Eight-one-five-eight.

Fox sighed and leaned back in his chair, tossing the piece of flimsiplast aside. It wasn’t sticking. After two days of not being able to remember the password, he’d finally asked Thire to write it down for him and not to tell Thorn. Thorn would be worried, and with all the worry he and Stone already had for Fox, they didn’t need any more. His brain would sort itself out in the end and they’d be laughing about this over drinks one day. Besides, he had a briefing to deliver. It was one of the few parts of his job that he was permitted to carry out at the moment besides sitting in his office in his uniform.

“Nobody will fault you if you tap out of this one.”

Fox looked up to find Stone leaning against the doorframe.

“Most of the Guard, at least the officers, have a good idea of what happen to you, but they’re still going to want to see it for themselves. If that’s too much pressure, I can take care of this one.”

“So, you’re saying this is the one meeting where I can expect no eye contact?”

“Unless you have a way to disguise your leg that you can come up with in the next ten seconds, yes.”

“I’ll take it.” Fox rose from his chair and reached for his helmet and datapad.

“Have you named it yet?”

Fox froze mid-step before Stone. “What?”

“Have you named your leg yet? One of my sergeants wants to know.”

“Why would I name it?” He continued through the doorway and let Stone fall into step beside him as they made their way out into the halls of the Senate. The Coruscant Guard offices were too small to comfortably fit the majority of its officers.

“I dunno. I suppose that some beings do.”

“Intriguing.” He’d have to ask Wolffe if he had named his eye.

The briefing room fell silent as their two commanders walked in and Fox felt all the eyes behind the visors in the room turn towards him. Not everyone here had spent time in the offices since Fox’s return.

“Your commanding officer has entered the room.” Thorn prompted, rising to his feet and raising his hand to his visor. The room followed suit after him, and Fox was thankful that the helmet hid the tender look on his face as he and Stone raised their hands into salute in return.

“At ease, men.” Fox said as he made his way over to the podium, Stone following at his heels until he reached an empty chair beside Thorn.

Fox set his datapad down on the podium before him and opened up the notes he had made that morning when he had debriefed each of his captains, taking a moment to collect himself and give the men some time to settle into his presence.

When he began to speak, the room fell silent. Each squeak of plastoid rubbing against plastoid stopped and it felt as if each one of his officers had stopped breathing as they took his words in. This was worse, far worse than he had imagined. The only break in the tension of the room was Stone and Thorn and the steady gazes of his captains who had been at his side. He found himself looking to them for something bordering reassurance as he covered the things each man had told him- their successes, their failures, and their plans for the upcoming month- until he reached the notes for section he had discussed with Stone and Thorn. Then, he fell silent. He remembered meeting with them, remembered the red mugs of caf that had been passed around, but he couldn’t remember how the words on the page before him fit into any cohesive pattern or plan.

Long seconds passed as he fumbled for something, anything to say to save himself.

“The notes!”

Fox’s gaze flickered from the datapad before him to Thorn.

“We forgot to give you the updated notes for our section. That’s last month’s notes.” Thorn rose, Stone rising beside him.

“That’s on us, we forgot to sync your datapad this morning. We’ll finish the brief.” Stone lay a hand on Fox’s shoulder, the pressure from his fingers telling Fox he had no choice but to obey his commanders.

Fox obeyed, slinking down to the seat that Thorn had just occupied as Stone launched into his portion of the brief.

They had lied.

Fox’s datapad had never stopped synching with theirs. Even during his recovery, he could access the notes on the monthly brief, and he remembered last month’s notes well enough to know that this was a new set of notes that had lain before him. And he remembered attending the meeting. Yet every word that came from their mouths sounded new to him, as if they had not just discussed it this very morning, after he had finished debriefing each of the captains.

Turning his head slightly to the side, he found Thire’s helmet to be staring straight at him. He had a feeling that word of his forgetting of his password would soon spread to Thorn.

His worries would not ease for a while.

“Commander Thorn!” Riyo embraced the man as he stepped into the doorway, trapping him before he could reach up to remove his helmet.

“Senator Chuchi.” He embraced her in return, resting the side of his helmet to the top of her head. “Thank you for the invitation.”

“Thank you for accepting.” She pulled back, leaving her hands resting on his shoulders. “And tell Stone that he is more than welcome here.”

“I’ll try. I can vouch for his excuse tonight though, he’s out with his boys at the moment.”

“I’ll send you back with leftovers.” She stepped back to allow Thorn to remove his helmet and set it on one of the hooks that she had installed for that reason.

“So, Fox.” Thorn’s eyes flickered across the room to where Fox stood, overseeing the pot on the stove. “What was that earlier?”

“I wish I knew.”

“What was what?” Riyo turned from Fox back to Thorn, who only continued to glare in Fox’s direction.

“I remember our meeting. We drank caf out of the red mugs. Stone and I drank it black, you mixed in sweetener. We talked for almost exactly sixty-four minutes.”

“What did we talk about?” Thorn prompted.

“I don’t remember. And I still can’t remember.” Fox picked up the spoon by the pot and began to slowly stir it. “I thought it may have been nerves earlier, but now, I’m not so sure.”

“You don’t forget things, Fox.”

“Did Thire tell you about my password?”

Thorn’s brows raised in poorly concealed surprise. “No, he didn’t.”

“I can’t remember it. I’ve been back three days now, and I can’t remember a four-digit number I use multiple times a day. I finally had Thire write it down for me this morning.”

“Fox.” Riyo whined. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“I thought it was temporary. Are these cooked?”

She stepped over to his side to look in the pot. “Yes. Even if it was temporary, why wouldn’t you tell us?”

“I didn’t want you to worry.” Fox took the pot to the sink, where he allowed the water to drain from it. “Either of you. You have enough worry for me on your plates.”

“Apparently for good kriffing reason, Fox.” Thorn groaned. “You need to go in.”

“I’ll be fine.” Fox protested.

“You need another brain scan.”

“When did you become a neurologist?”

“Fox-.”

“I’m fine!”

Riyo flinched at his raised voice. He hadn’t moved with the shout, staying frozen in place with his hands gripping the handles of the pot, but her feet still moved her back to stand behind Thorn.

“No.” Thorn’s voice was calm, nearly emotionless. “You’re not.” It was only when his arm lowered that Riyo realized it had been up in the first place, between her and Fox.

Fox set the pot back down in silence, keeping his head lowered and turned away from them.

Riyo stepped out from behind Thorn and crossed the small kitchen to Fox’s side, gently taking his face in her hands, forcing his head to turn to face her. “Fox.” She ran her thumbs across his cheeks as she stared into his dark eyes, searching for the man she knew. “Don’t let me lose you.”

Fox closed his eyes and leaned forward into her touch. “I am so sorry. I failed you.”

“You didn’t fail me.”

“I scared you. And that’s the same thing.”

“You did scare me.” She confessed. “But you’re scared too. And the only way out is to admit defeat and let us take care of you.”

Fox opened his eyes to meet her gaze for a few moments before looking over to Thorn. “Okay. I’ll go to medical tomorrow.”

“And tonight, we’re going to set this all behind us and enjoy each other’s company.” Riyo smiled up at him, then back over her shoulder at Thorn. “No more talk of forgetting tonight.”


	4. slip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riyo and the commanders of the Guard force Fox to go to the medical center

Fox glared across the small room at Stone as the medical droid flitted around his head.

“Has the patient been experiencing any abnormal behaviors since the initial injury occurred?”

“He’s started sleepwalking.” Stone cut in. “Having mood swings. And forgetting.”

“What have you been forgetting, CC-1010?” The droid asked, spinning back around to face Fox.

“Little things. Passwords and such.”

“Conversations.” Stone cut in again. Fox had known when Riyo had asked his brother to accompany him that this would be a painful appointment.

The droid was quiet for a few moments before it came to a decision. “I will run another scan. Please, remain seated while I summon a technician.”

“Mood swings?” Fox snapped once the door had shut behind the droid.

“What, you think that Thorn wouldn’t tell me that you yelled at the best thing that’s ever happened to you? I swear, Fox, if you ever hit her, Thorn and I will beat you within an inch of your life.”

Stone watched Fox’s expression move through a mix of different emotions until he settled on, “I wouldn’t.”

“And before last night, would you have ever yelled at her?”

“Technically, I yelled at Thorn.” But he didn’t push the issue further.

When the medical droid returned, accompanied by the technician it had gone to fetch, Stone was asked to leave the room as the new scans were taken. When he was allowed to return, he was also allowed to sit by Fox as the medical droid assessed the images. When it made a worried hum, Fox was glad for the presence at his side. “The chip in your frontal lobe is still active. That is unusual. The activation may be the cause of your memory loss.”

“Well, can you take it out?” Stone asked when it was clear that Fox wouldn’t respond.

The droid made a sound that would’ve sounded like ‘tsk’ if it had come from an organic lifeform. “Any modifications to the clone trooper template must be done on Kamino. Would you like me to put in a request?”

“What are my other options?” Fox asked quietly.

“We can leave it be and see what happens.”

Stone let out a light curse under his breath.

“I’ll wait.” Fox’s voice broke on the second word and he stopped to gather himself together before speaking again. “So far, everything I have forgotten has been recent. What happens when all my new memories are gone?”

“I suppose that it will start going after your old ones.” The droid said lightheartedly. “Or it will stop. We shall see. Have a good day!”

The droid whisked out of the room, leaving Fox behind to rest his head in his arms as Stone pulled him into an embrace.

It took all of Riyo’s will not to laugh as she took in the men before her. Fox and Thorn, who sat on her right at the head of the table and on her left beside her, respectively, had long ago adjusted to eating normal food in her apartment. Stone, sitting across from Thorn, had been over for dinner just enough times to not make a weird face at the new flavors before him, but not enough for the formal set of his shoulders to relax. But Thire, who had always refused her offers of food before, was poking at the vegetables before him as if they were from another universe.

“They’re called seasonings, Thire.” Thorn teased as he watched his captain.

“I’m sorry, this is all very new to me.” Thire laughed nervously, casting Riyo an anxious look.

“Don’t be sorry.” She gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. “I know it’s a lot after barracks food.”

Thire looked down at the plate before him before returning Riyo’s gaze. “I am grateful for your invitation, Senator Chuchi. But why am I here?”

She titled her head towards Fox, who was taking in a deep breath.

“I think you’re all aware that I’ve been forgetful this past week and it’s been getting worse. When the medical droid ran new scans today, it found that my inhibitor chip is still on. It’s been on for three weeks now. It assumed, and I assume, that it’s the reason why I’m not retaining new memories. With this, I don’t think that I am mentally fit to continue on in my command. Riyo and I have already discussed this…”

They had discussed it thoroughly despite the tears that had streamed down their cheeks.

“… and I have decided that I will be signing over my rank and taking a lesser role in the Coruscant Guard. As of the last hour, Thorn is the commanding officer of the Guard.” He paused to let it the news sink in. “My last act as commanding officer was to file your promotion, Commander Thire.”

Riyo was finally able to stifle the sound of her laughter at the expression on Thire’s face under the sound of Thorn standing up from the table and walking over to embrace his mentee, sandwiching Thire between him and Stone.

“Thank you, sir.” Thire said once his brothers had released their hold on him.

Fox smiled and reached over to clasp Thire’s forearm. “I’m proud of you, kid.”

Thire hung his head in embarrassment before changing the subject. “So, what are you going to do, Commander Fox?”

“Just ‘Fox’ to you now.” Fox grinned before a serious look came over his face. “Riyo and I have decided to go to Pantora and see if the doctors there can help. Officially, I will be acting as her bodyguard.”

“I will be taking a month away from Coruscant to reflect on my planet and what we represent in the Republic. I have a strong team representing myself and Pantora here, it will not be an issue logistically.”

“And if they can’t help?” Stone prompted.

Riyo fell silent, looking down into her lap and contemplating for a moment if she should cover her ears to hide the sound of the conclusion Fox had drawn earlier.

Fox ran his fingers over the silver crescent covering his browbone, tracing the seam between metal and skin in contemplation. “Then I ask that you send me to Kamino.”

“What?”

“They’ll kill you!”

Riyo felt Thorn silently reach over and squeeze her leg. He had already voiced his protest to Fox beforehand.

“It will give you closure.” Fox said.

“Fox-.” Stone started.

“It’s not that I want to die, Stone. But I’m dead one way or another, and I’d rather take my body with me.”

Stone’s posture hunched in defeat as he rested his forehead on a propped up arm.

“But it’s not going to get to that.” Thorn cut in with a gentle tone. “Fox will be in good hands. We just need to hold the fort down for a while.”

Fox shook his head, a sly grin forming on his lips. “Oh no, there are no tag-backs for the CO position. You’re stuck with it.”

Thorn let his head loll to where he could fix Stone with his eyes. “How do you feel about a promotion in a few months?”

“I’d rather go to Kamino with Fox.”

“That’s fair. Thire?”

“I’ll drive you two there.”

“Chuchi, dear, dear Chuchi. Have you ever considered a change in title?”

Riyo paced around the bed, examining the arrangement of clothes and living necessities laid out upon the sheets. “I feel like I’m missing something.” She confessed when she heard Fox enter the room.

“Me.” He walked up behind her, slipping his arms around her waist and planting a kiss to the back of her jawbone. “Your toothbrush is sitting on the counter.”

She laughed and allowed herself to melt back into his arms, leaning her head back to gaze up at him. “What would I do without you?”

“Forget your toothbrush.” He bent down to gently kiss her.

And for the first time in weeks, she truly felt that all was right in the galaxy.


	5. Pantora

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fox and Riyo arrive on Pantora

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be ‘the happy chapter’. I've also been translating too much Greek tragedy as of late so don't mind the influence on my writing.

“You’re not telling your parents?”

“They’ll worry, Fox.” She reached over to fix the pins that held his hood in place. “Besides, I’m a grown woman, I can take care of myself.”

“How about the time you got so drunk you were crying because I wouldn’t let you steal someone’s tooka?”

The glow in his eyes warmed her almost as much as the remembrance. “I have no memory of that. Besides, even if that did occur, I had you with me.”

Fox turned his head to look out the window of the train at the misty fields that flashed by them. “Maybe you’re right, there’s nowhere for you to get in trouble here.”

“I did tell you we’re a backwater moon.”

“Well, I’m from a backwater water planet, so I’ll fit right in.” The corners of his eyes crinkled in mirth as he glanced over at her before his face fell into worry. “Have I said that one before?”

“No, you haven’t.” She lied with a loving smile. It had been one week since the dinner, and already Fox had lost more than one week’s worth of memories. Every day brought new details to explain as she pretended not to see him jotting things down every few hours. The big picture he had kept track of. The finer details, jokes or things said in passing, were falling through the cracks.

“Well, you mustn’t laugh if I repeat it or your life will be boring.”

She reached over to take his hand. “It’s never boring with you.”

“Now, remember, Kamino is a water planet.” He squeezed her hand. “Which means that if I ever get to the point where I have no memories past then, you must take me to a forest and record my reaction for the boys.”

That one was new, and despite it all, she couldn’t help but laugh. “Is this some long-suffering joke with Thorn that I’m missing out on?”

He leaned forward as if telling her a secret. “I’m still not convinced that trees aren’t fake.”

“You backwater water boy.” She whispered back.

The brakes whistled as the train began to slow, and she watched Fox perk up at the sound. “This is us.”

“Yes.” She lay her hand on the strap of her bag, ready to stand the moment the train stopped moving. She was off by a second and swayed on her feet when the carriage jerked to a halt. Fox’s hands were on her in a moment, wrapping around her waist to steady her.

“What was that earlier about being able to take care of yourself?” He gave her waist a squeeze before letting go.

“I don’t recall that conversation.” She laughed as she ducked out of the carriage car, Fox on her heels.

The cool air of her homeworld greeted her the moment they stepped onto the train platform and she closed her eyes for a moment to take in the smell of the geothermal earth beneath her. To foreigners, she knew the smell to be rather off-putting. But for her, it smelled like home.

“We’re actually not too far from the capitol.” She explained as they walked through the station. “This region is part of our research district. For years, most of our research was agricultural, and to study that, you must be out closer to the fields.”

“Are we staying in the city?”

“Just twenty minutes from the outskirts. About thirteen klicks out. You can still see the city, but it’s-.”

“Peaceful.” He finished for her.

“Yes.”

“I think I’d like to try peaceful.”

“It will be just us.” She promised him. “Us and Pantora. I am so excited for you to meet her.”

“She’s the moon who shaped the woman I love, how could I not love her?”

Riyo stopped, turning back to face Fox. She had only a moment to see the look of confusion cross his face before she was upon him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down into a kiss. “I love you so much.” She whispered when she let him go.

“I meant it, Ri.”

“I know you did. I didn’t think I could love you any more than I already do, and yet.”

Fox let his bag fall to the ground beside him so that he could rest his hands on Riyo’s waist, holding her close to him. “If everything else leaves me, I know that my love for you will remain. It is not memories; it is my very being. Only when I lose my love for you will I truly be gone.”

Riyo fought back the tears flooding her eyes as she looked up at Fox’s face. Slowly, she raised a hand to trace the curve of his brow. “I can’t lose you, Fox.”

He gently took her wrist in his hand, bringing her fingers to his lips and gently pressing a kiss across them. “You already have, Ri. That man was taken from you weeks ago.”

“You think I am so shallow to disregard you just because you’ve been hurt? I don’t care about your eye, your face, your leg, I am a little concerned about your spine but only for your sake. I just want you.” She pulled her arm down so that her hand fell into his and entangled their fingers together. “I just want you, as you are.”

Fox closed his eyes, the wet tears that had accumulated spreading across his lashes but refusing to fall. “I don’t deserve you.”

“It’s not about deserve.” She squeezed his hand in hers. “It’s about how I feel about you, and you about me. We don’t deserve anything in life, yet it gives us joys and sorrows nonetheless.” When Fox was silent, she squeezed his hand once more and brought it down to her side as she bent over to pick up her bag. “Come, I want to get you alone.”

Fox shook his head but obliged, picking up his own bag and following her through the station, letting her drag him by the hand. They could have never done this on Coruscant, so blatant an expression of love, but here, on Pantora, everything felt safe. There were no prying eyes here, no hidden microphones. Of course the train station had security cameras, but all they cared to see was two beings who had been travelling for far too long unwilfully setting off on a new journey to find rest.


	6. scans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riyo takes Fox to get a second opinion on the removal of his chip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went over my intended word count by a little bit but ah well. It's all about packing as much as I can into shrinking scenes.

Fox closed his eyes, focusing on his breathing, as the machine whirled to life around him. The sterility of the room around him reminded him too much of Kamino, where he feared he could soon find himself in another similar situation. Perhaps he was already on Kamino. He could remember Riyo at his side, but not when that last interaction had taken place, whether it was days or minutes ago. It was only when the doctor who removed the machine from around him was Pantoran that he allowed himself to relax as Riyo helped him into a sitting position.

“There is an excessive activity occurring in your frontal lobe.” The doctor said as she leaned over a display. “Tell me again what you think is causing this.”

“I have a behavior modification chip in that lobe.” Fox explained. “I was abducted from my station some weeks ago and tortured. I believe that during that process, my chip was damaged.” Not that he remembered the torture itself anymore, only the traces that it had left on his body. The first time he had seen his wrecked face in the mirror it had shocked him. Now the note on the bedside table held a morning briefing recapping what had occurred.

“I have never heard of an army that used chips in their soldiers, Mr. Chuchi.” The doctor turned around to broadcast the scans before them. “And I’m afraid I cannot see this chip.”

“You need to use a level five or lower atomic scan, but I assure you, Dr. Corro, it’s there.”

The doctor turned back to the display for a few moments before speaking. “I’m afraid that, with how many scans you’ve been subject to recently, that is not possible. You said that your army doctor already located the chip as the cause, twice. That’s two deep level scans already in a span of weeks. I cannot perform a third until six months have passed, at a minimum. If you could somehow get those scans to me, we could proceed. But without them, there’s nothing I can do. I cannot operate without cause, especially not in such delicate areas. Are you certain that your military will not send over these scans?”

Not to a medical center outside of their jurisdiction. Not without outing himself as a clone. Not without ending their charade.

“The military would not, but there is an officer who might.” Riyo perked up. “He had a copy of the imaging from the original scans. If we could get that to you, could you proceed with the surgery?”

“I could.” The doctor concurred. “So long as they clearly show this chip. But, tell me, why did you come here instead of being treated on your homeworld, Mr. Chuchi?”

“The quality of care here far exceeds any care I could receive there.” Fox said without hesitation. It wasn’t a lie, but the following statement was. “I would risk it if I were single, but…” He turned his gaze towards Riyo.

The doctor nodded sadly. “I understand. Given that you are legally wedded, even if the marriage wasn’t certified on Pantora, you are able to fully receive the benefits befitting a Pantoran citizen.” She walked over to Fox and extended her hand. “Please come to me when you receive those scans, or if you would like to replace your eye with a cybernetic.”

“Lack of depth perception hasn’t killed me yet, but thank you.” Fox softened his voice on the last two words. He would not take out his frustration about his body image on the Pantoran.

Once the doctor had left the room, Riyo extended her hand to help him down from the table. “Mr. Chuchi.” The name dripped sarcastically from her lips.

“Don’t say it like that, dear wife.”

She paused for a moment, with his hands clasped in hers, to take him in. “What if we actually got married?”

“Riyo.”

“I’m serious, Fox.”

“Riyo.” He took in a deep, shuddering breath. “I want nothing more in the galaxy than to pledge myself to you, but I cannot bear to forget that day or widow you so soon.”

“And if _this_ wasn’t a factor? Would you marry me then?”

“In a heartbeat.” He swore.

“Then I’ll keep that in mind for when this is over.” She reached up to gently brush his hair away from his ear. “Everything is going to be okay.”

“Is everything okay?” Riyo’s voice shook as she stepped outside the front door to join him on the porch.

“I just needed to clear my head.” Fox let his hand fall from his cheek and straightened up so that he could wrap his arm around his love when she sat down beside him on the stairs. As he pulled her against him, he set the comm in his other hand down. “I’m sorry, I know I must’ve scared you.”

“I thought you were gone again.” Sleepwalking. Or, at least, it was the only way he could understand it.

“I’m right here, Ri.” He brought his other arm around to pull her closer so that he could bury his face in her hair and breathe her in. “I’m here.”

They sat in silence, staring out at the starry heavens above, until Riyo was the first to move, preparing to return to bed.

“Wait.” Fox gently took hold of her hand. “Please. I don’t want to forget this yet.”

She froze before lowering herself back into his lap. “Okay.”

And in the gesture, there was a familiarity that tugged on the back of his mind before slipping back into the aether.


End file.
